Baby Download 92% Complete

Squirmy is now the size of a winter melon... whatever that may be! 6+ pounds now and focusing primarily on lung and brain development, although technically I'm term now and if I went into labor right this minute, my OB wouldn't try to keep me pregnant! I still don't see my body ejecting this kid before my due date (January 16), though.

At my most recent OB appointment, which took place on Christmas Eve, everything looked good -- blood pressure was great, belly is measuring to the day, Squirmy's heart rate was right where it should be (once they find it, anyway... Squirmy tends to be very wiggly during my appointments). The one change was that Squirmy was FINALLY head down! Of course, last night I could definitely feel a head under one side of my ribcage and a butt under the other side, so we'll see if this baby is breech or not next week. If there is any doubt, an ultrasound will be performed, which I wouldn't mind because of my worry that the butt and the head tend to feel rather similar.

I am enjoying having my husband home for the last couple of weeks of the year because of his leftover PTO. He has been doing things like assembling car seat bases and the stroller, as well as devoutly studying the baby book that I'm most of the way through myself. Our next two goals are to officially organize the baby's room and other stuff, and to clean our room which has become quite the pit. Seriously, I should post before pictures so the rest of you feel not-so-bad about your own messy rooms.

There is a co-sleeper bed, which is pretty much the piece of baby gear I wanted most aside from the car seat/stroller combo, in a box out in the living room. We will need to get that set up too so we can put it by the bed. If that's not motivation to clean our room, I don't know what is!

I am continuing to work out and will probably switch to mostly cardio, partially because the increasing pelvic pain I've had is making Pilates more difficult, but mainly because cardio seems to be the best antidote for the painful swelling in my hands and fingers, which has started this week. I should take before and after pictures of my fingers; before I work out I can't even put on my grandmother's ring, which is probably a size ten! Afterwards I can usually put my wedding ring back on, and that is a size 7.5. Not sure if I just sweat it out, or what, but that seems to work more efficiently than just lemon water and watching my sodium intake.

Sleeping is hard; I may spend the last two or three weeks of my pregnancy sleeping in the recliner. Both of my arms fall asleep if I sleep on my side, and my hips tend to hurt from lying on my side as well. I have a LOT of pelvic discomfort, from my hips to my groin, and this actually makes trying to move my legs up and down (e.g. putting on pants. yikes) or from side to side (e.g. every time I roll over in bed and use my legs to do it instead of my abs) a pretty painful experience (hence why I am laying off the Pilates). The elliptical is fine, however, and I usually feel more limber after that. After my cardio workouts I have been doing a yoga squat until my feet just can't handle it anymore, as well as cat/cow stretches which help ease my back out of that squatting position.

Sadly I don't think my workouts as of late will do much to deter the effects my chocolate consumption. It's the holidays, I guess, but on the other hand I'm not eating a whole lot because there's not a lot of room for food in my stomach. Maybe it will all balance out. ;)

No bump pic today, but I am getting my hair cut on Tuesday and will probably have hubby take a picture of me then when I don't feel so shaggy. I do have some baby furniture pics, though.

This is the beautiful crib that was gifted to us by some lovely people in our ward. You know who you are! Thank you! (Pardon the grocery bag and the baby book on the floor.)

This is the changing dresser we ordered with the help of a generous gift card from a friend. You also know who you are; thank you!

I would like to thank everyone and anyone who has been following my pregnancy journey. It means a great deal that you take the time to read or even just scan my entries.

Baby Download [nearly] 90% Complete

It's been a little longer than usual since I did an update. Before I post this I will try to get my husband to take a bump picture so I can add it to the post.

Though not for much longer, Squirmy is the size of a coconut... a dancing coconut. It's weird that I can feel movement not only in my belly, but in my waist and almost in my back. My abdomen frequently does the wave and takes on odd, not-so-round shapes as Squirmy adjusts and sticks his/her butt in my kidney. It struck me that if I had the baby today, I would have a pretty close to normal size baby -- not just a teensy, almost- or barely-third-trimester preemie, but a baby that would probably do pretty fine without much assistance from NICU. We are down to the wire!

Baby Prep

We are also getting closer to being "ready" for this baby! My hospital bag is mostly packed, and I have actually started a bag for my husband as well (mostly snacks, water, some OTC meds, and a travel pillow). Just need to get some baby things into Squirmy's bag at this point. I finally washed all the baby clothes, towels, etc and those can be organized. The changing dresser is fully assembled and the top drawer is completely organized with cloth diapers (with a package of disposables to start with).

Our wonderful home teachers helped hubby assemble the crib, which was very generously donated to us from another family in our ward. The stain of the crib matches the dresser perfectly, which is kind of nice. There will be more pictures of the furniture when it's not surrounded by piles and piles of baby stuff.

My truly lovely visiting teachers have been checking in on me and even prepared me several frozen meals. I have a spectacular ward family that has my back, and I am incredibly blessed for that.

My husband very meticulously went over the car seat installation manual and insisted that I read it as well. We have two bases for each of our cars, which should make life pretty convenient for both of us.

We are so broke from buying baby things. And it's not like we've been spending money on creating an elaborate nursery, either -- we've been pretty darn practical! No wipe warmers, baby-themed wall art, or video monitors for us. I've gotten a lot of things second hand for cheap or free (CRIB, pack 'n play, maternity clothes, Baby Bjorn, baby bath, baby bouncer, baby swing, baby socks, cloth diapers, and more). Other things, such as the dresser, we have had help with thanks to generous gift cards and cash. A cozy family shower provided us with some other things like adorable clothes, diaper wipes, and toys. Additionally, I'm sewing other things myself because I know certain things such as crib sheets, Boppy cases, breast pads, swaddle blankets and sleep sacks will just be cheaper that way (and I confess that I rather enjoy sewing). In the near future I will dedicate a blog post to the things I've made for Squirmy and include links to videos and blog tutorials that I couldn't have completed the projects without.

Not only have I been sewing baby things; I have also sewn some practical but fun Christmas gifts for family instead of going out and spending money, which my husband has asked me to try very hard not to do. This seems to make my husband appreciate the time I spend at the sewing machine a little more; while we don't have extra cash for presents, it's very important to him that we give nice presents to his family. So... yay me!

Well, since you asked...

Perhaps this is a rude thing to do, but since I've had a couple of people ask what I need, we are registered both at Target and at Amazon. There are still a few things I would like to have that I will get a lot of use out of. I have looked back on my baby shower gifts from when I was younger and buying for others, and I shake my head at myself for buying onesies that read "Diaper loading... please wait" and making themed Christmas stockings instead of going to the registry and getting something practical and guaranteed usage. This makes it sound like I don't want or appreciate homemade gifts or humorous baby outfits, which isn't true. I'm thankful for ANYTHING somebody takes the time, money, and energy to give me out of the kindness of their hearts. As my anxiety increases and as my due date (less than a month away) draws nearer, however, I am definitely on the look-out for practical things like cloth diapers that I am simply running out of money to get myself... so basically, don't be afraid to get me what might seem boring!  Hopefully this paragraph doesn't leave people wanting to put a shoe up my seemingly ungrateful rear end. I always appreciate anything that anyone gives or does for me, including prayers and thoughts when you are not in a good place to give material possessions. :) As I mentioned earlier, I'm short on cash too. This is NOT a request to buy me stuff! This paragraph is included because I've been asked a few times about what I need.

Humor and Other Updates...

Normal sized bathroom stalls are becoming difficult to shut myself into. I should go from having an "innie" to an "outie" any day.  I have learned to use the bathroom every time I move somewhere else in the house and between meetings at church.

Really, there have been NO complications in this pregnancy. At every OB appointment my belly is measuring to the day, Squirmy's heart rate is right where it needs to be, and my blood pressure has been perfect. I'm still trying to exercise 4-6 times a week and split time fairly equally between cardio and Pilates. Anything I have to complain about is completely normal. One UTI, for example, has been addressed with anti-biotics. There are a couple of other common third trimester, TMI issues I'm coping with that are just not a big deal. Hunger and heartburn frequently coincide. Sleeping comfortably is becoming impossible, which means I sleep in ridiculously late. My feet swell if I'm on them too often, so I put them up regularly and use compression socks. I had a couple of weeks where I just felt really, really down, but I am feeling more like myself now. Everything seems to be going swimmingly. I'd much rather have these benign pregnancy symptom complaints than have complications... because if I'm doing well, that should mean Squirmy is doing well, too!

And here is a bump picture at 35 weeks and 5 days, garnished with a Sadie, our 80's curtain, and our fancy Dollar General Christmas tree that may not get ornamented this year. (I know, I should have turned to the side. Oops/duh. Next week!)

Baby Download [just about] 85% Complete

Tomorrow will be 34 weeks of pregnancy.

I'm pretty much convinced I have walking pneumonia because of the combination of misery and functionality I've endured for about a week now. Tomorrow after my OBGYN appointment I have an appointment with my general practitioner; we will see what he thinks.

At my OBGYN appointment I am thinking I won't be looking at the scale when they weigh me. These numbers get in my head and upset me. Hopefully my doctor won't come in and say "well you've gained X pounds..." Meh.

I have completely dropped the exercise this week as well because I feel so run down with a cough, sore throat, and nasty sinus drainage. That, combined with the many hours of sleep I seem to require lately, isn't helping my mood much-- by the time I'm up for the day the sun is going down soon.

However, I have gotten some sewing projects done -- three Boppy pillow slip covers, which required the mastery of sewing a zipper. So at least I accomplished that. Last night I started a nursing cover which I intended to finish today, but didn't because I don't feel like doing much more than sitting in the recliner wasting time on the Internet.

For a brief period today I had the edge of my laptop resting on my belly, and the screen kept bouncing because of how much Squirmy was moving. Much of the day my belly has been bumping around... at least one of us is feeling energetic!

Baby Download 82% Complete

33 weeks today. Squirmy is pushing five pounds and is moving more than ever. I love it when I can feel my baby moving.

I have re-written this entry a few times now. I feel so negative about myself and my weight gain (which is completely out of control in spite of my vigilant exercise routine), and for this reason I did not update last week. I have very few positive feelings to share.

I am a bit worried about having prenatal depression. As somebody who has struggled on and off with depression in the past, I can tell the difference between mood swings and a legitimate struggle to be happy. Will mention it to my OBGYN at next week's appointment.

Aside from that... I haven't got a lot to say. Updates may be less frequent due to how I've been feeling. I was okay today until I decided to update, and now I'm crying.

Baby Download 78% Complete

Squirmy is comparable to a pineapple in size, weighs close to four pounds, and enjoys being sideways, meaning I get to watch the sides of my belly under my ribs move around quite a bit. It also means I get to rub my aching ribs and explain to people who ask what's wrong that it's just kicks.

The weeks left until my due date are in the single digits.

I am continuing to exercise regularly. Baby things are rolling in via friends, family, and Amazon. A great friend from church came and helped me just about finish clearing out the back room (the first half of this work was done only thanks to my fantastic visiting teachers a few weeks ago). This help is invaluable to me; there are some tasks that are just so overwhelming I can't get them done myself!

Having the back room cleaned out will make it much easier for my husband and another friend of ours take my old desk out of there and into the basement. There is another bigger, heavier piece of furniture I really want out of there in addition to that; we'll see if I can convince them to move it! Oh, the things I would do myself if I could...

Hubby has been such a sport and has attended with me classes on newborn care and breastfeeding, as well as the first of two birthing classes. Next week will be the final birthing class and after that it will be just more preparing and counting down to Squirmy's anticipated arrival into the cold world of Iowa in January.

I am cranking out seasonal table cloths on my grandmother's sewing machine, which my mother so generously paid to have shipped out here. I have two more table cloths to do-- then it's onto baby things! I have fabric for two Boppy cases, some fabric for a nursing cover, and a few other things I'm interested in trying my hand at like a nursing top and crib sheets. :)

Tell me this isn't adorable fabric for a Boppy. I might go get more for a nice flannel crib sheet...

Baby Download 75% Complete

This post was delayed due to a busy weekend!

My husband and I were blessed with a nice little intimate family/close friends baby shower this weekend. We are overwhelmed at all the trouble people have gone to for us!

Squirmy is tumbling -- my belly almost did not stop moving during church today. So irreverent, Squirmy!

Belly is growing. I have handed over most laundry-hauling tasks to my husband. If I do laundry it will be smaller loads in smaller baskets. It is notably harder to get up off the floor from doing Pilates, and I am also turning over most bending-over tasks such as picking laundry up off the bathroom floor to Squirmy's to-be-dad.

Back is hurting. Sometimes it's tolerable, sometimes I stagger around like a drunk person trying to walk home from the bar because it feels like somebody jammed a screwdriver into the small of my back.

Anxiety is heightening. I still have so much to do to get this house ready for baby and I am steadily becoming more physically unable to do a lot of what needs to be done. Actually, the vast majority of these tasks I can't do because it involves getting heavy pieces of furniture into the basement, so I have to wait on my husband to have guys over to help him do that (it's been scheduled; I just need to wait now.)

Hormones are raging -- I cried today while doing my hair and makeup because I felt my efforts to look decent were absolutely futile.


Still trying to sort out what baby things we actually need/will use yet. So many people have given us stuff and it has saved us a lot of money. I am continuing to find good second-hand deals, such as a high chair and Baby Bjorn which I will be picking up this week. I'm afraid of paying for things I won't end up using at all, and I'm afraid of not getting things that I'm really going to want and am going to have to spend additional money on after Squirmy is here. I suppose both of these things will happen in some way and it's best not to stress. But I am, a little bit!

Baby Download 73% Complete

Happy Halloween!

Today the baby is around three pounds, can open and shut his/her eyes, and is apparently the size of an acorn squash.

Here's a bump update. I got all dressed up for Halloween. While Squirmy might be the size of an acorn squash, my belly definitely resembles a pumpkin.

Couldn't leave Sadie out. I promise I'll get some pictures of me with the husband at some point. He took the pictures for me.

My OB appointments are closer together now -- three weeks apart instead of four. Kicks and visible belly movement are both more frequent.

Baby Download 70% Complete

Third trimester started today (well, yesterday, given that it's 12:30 in the morning). Can I panic now?

Okay, I'm not losing my mind yet, but I am getting some of the nesting syndrome I've heard about and am dying to get some things out of the house to make room for baby things.

Thanks to a lovely friend of mine I now have a baby bed for Squirmy, who weighs around two pounds by now. Were he/she born today, his/her lungs would be mature enough that, with some definite NICU assistance, this foot muncher would most likely survive. I'll take at least several more weeks of pregnancy, though.

GLORY HALLELUJAH I PASSED MY GLUCOSE TEST. How fearful I was that I would have to manage a diet and poke my finger multiple times every day on top of trying to prepare my house for a baby! I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water when it comes to housework. How am I going to manage a second pregnancy, never mind a third or even a fourth, with a child or children underfoot? We'll just call this first pregnancy Pregnancy: Level 1, and worry about that when the time comes to spare me more stress crying, which I do at the drop of a hat these nights... and I'll have been laughing two minutes prior. :P

Sleep continues to be difficult and Squirmy's Tae Bo routine remains in the one 'o clock hour most nights; however, I have noticed more kicking in general, probably because that baby fat is giving my little offspring additional energy. On a few occasions I have uttered, "oof!" because of the forcefulness of the rolls and kicks, especially after I had to drink that nasty glucose concoction at the doctor on Thursday -- I could see my belly bouncing around. Hyper little baby.

This week felt so long. I suppose as my belly grows and the back pain increases, they will all seem longer... but also shorter, because tick tock...

Baby Download 68% Complete

Third trimester is next week! Today marks twenty-seven weeks of pregnancy for me.

Squirmy has eyelashes, is gaining fat, and is roughly the size of a rutabaga. Have you ever seen or held one of those? I haven't, but apparently that's the size of the baby -- around 14 inches long and around two pounds heavy.

I figured it's time for a bump update. I look really depressed in this picture, but I guess that's my "concentrating on getting a decent bathroom selfie bump picture" face. I really should have my husband do the honors at some point -- I always think to take a bump photo when he's at work. By the way, it's amazing how much better I look in the mirror than I do on the camera screen. It really does add ten pounds!

Baby Download 65% Complete

According to www.thebump.com, my little one is about the size of a head of lettuce today. Squirmy now has eyelashes and soon will be able to open his or her little eyes. Baby's immune system, as well as his or her features and talents, are developing; my offspring is also taking breaths of amniotic fluid.

Other things:

More stretch marks. (Yes, I am drinking lots of water and using vitamin E oil, cocoa butter, and other lotions. Genetics prevail always!)

I have officially dropped subbing. I've realized that, when I go to bed knowing I have to get up early for a sub job, I don't sleep more than a couple of hours. I can't keep choosing between flaking out on sub jobs and running on empty, so I am down to just my afternoon babysitting and tutoring jobs. At first I was really kicking myself for this decision because I wanted to better contribute financially until Squirmy comes, but now I'm ultimately relieved and am able to put more energy into keeping the house in decent shape and preparing it for Squirmy's arrival.

Yesterday I woke up with what seems to be an allergy-induced cold. This tends to happen twice a year, around the arrival of spring and the arrival of fall. So I've been sleeping more, pushing fluids, and let the workouts slide for a few days. Hopefully by Monday I'll be feeling better -- we'll see what my body has to say about that.

Baby Download 63% Complete. Hormones are stupid.

At twenty-five weeks gestation, Squirmy is apparently the size of a cauliflower and starting to gain fat. Kicks are noticeably stronger and more frequent; the same can be said regarding my need to urinate.

As I get closer to my third trimester I am beginning to feel generally afraid. I'm afraid of being diagnosed with gestational diabetes and the complications and annoyances that would case. I'm afraid of being HUGE and still weighing over two hundred pounds six weeks after the baby has come. Depression and anxiety run in my family and I am growing increasingly fearful of developing some serious postpartum depression when I am alone in my distant home in the dead of winter with a helpless infant.

The needless crying seems to have picked up, though admittedly when I cry I tend to think I have a legitimate reason, like when I accidentally spilled my husband's old plastic toy piano out of the basket of toys I had just carried upstairs from the basement and it crashed down every single step and ended up with a key about to snap off. I'm still upset about that, actually.

In other news, my body image is in the toilet and probably will be for the rest of the pregnancy and the first few months after.

This particular post almost didn't happen, and these negative feelings are why. I didn't want to share them and have others be annoyed with my whining or feel sorry for me. So let me emphasize this: I am NOT looking for any sort of reassurance or compliments regarding how I look, reminders that I'm nourishing the baby inside me and that's what is most important, or diet and exercise advice. Because -- sorry to be a downer -- they don't help. I'm super hormonal and decided to just let the hormones take over this post.

Still, maybe some other pregnant lady in the world will do a Google search of "I'm pregnant and I feel fat and ugly," find this, relate, and feel better.

Fat Pregnant Lady (Download 60% Complete)

Today is V-Day, meaning my pregnancy is now officially viable! Baby's body is pretty much developed and now just needs to get fat. This week I am pretty sure Squirmy got the hiccups a couple of times. Fun stuff!

So what I need to do now is make sure baby's not packing it on... and, considering the way I've been eating the past month, I admittedly need to make some changes.

Doctor was concerned with how much weight I've put on since my last visit. If I knew I had been eating really well and exercising regularly, I would probably have let it go -- but I know what I've been eating, I know how much my activity level has decreased, and I know how poorly some of my clothes are fitting... so it's time to make some changes, especially given that I'm genetically predisposed to develop diabetes and would like that to not be an issue for me or Squirmy.

(Take a stab at what my biggest weakness has been.)

1. No more drive-through snacks!

2. No more junk cereal!

3. More whole grains, veggies, fruits, etc!

4. Eat when I'm hungry, not when I'm just bored or stressed!

5. As of today I am officially a member of the YMCA, likely through the end of my pregnancy. Let the lap swimming and water aerobics commence!

Baby Download 58% complete

Today is twenty-three weeks of pregnancy for me, and baby is roughly the size of a grapefruit. Next week my pregnancy will be considered "viable" -- meaning, if for some reason the baby had to come out at that point, his or her chances of survival would be considerably higher than if baby came before that point. Probably because, by twenty-four weeks gestation, baby's body is fully developed and just needs to grow and get fat from that point onward. (So guess when the fastest rate of belly expansion will take place.)

Meanwhile, Squirmy's body is almost completely developed and, from head to toe, is about a foot long. This little offspring of mine is still breech, or at least it seems that way based on the immense beating my bladder takes each day, but definitely alive and, most certainly, kicking and growing. I do think I felt Squirmy flip over earlier this week and felt some kicks several inches higher in my abdomen (above the belly button as opposed to the "bikini line"), only to feel them later on top of my bladder again and there they have remained. Maybe Squirmy will make a more permanent flip to the desired head down position in the next few weeks, but so far my doctor doesn't seem terribly concerned. Next OBGYN appointment is in a week, and for now I just like feeling the rolls, kicks, and punches.

Either Squirmy doesn't like my husband or Squirmy likes my husband a lot, because so far whenever I have him feel for the baby's movement, all movement ceases, usually until about two seconds after husband has been freed from holding his hand to my abdomen for several minutes while I occasionally prod my lower belly and coo, "Baby, say hi to Daddy!"

My brain continues to be seemingly addled by pregnancy. I often can't think of the words I want to say. One funny instance was earlier this week, when I was trying to explain why particular words like "can't" and "don't" have apostrophes to a first grader I am currently tutoring.

"Sometimes," I said, writing the word cannot on a paper, "We use short cuts, and we squish words together." I drew an arrow pointing down from cannot and wrote can't beneath it.

I continued explaining, "Can't and cannot mean the same thing. When we squish it together and say can't, it's called a..."

...And for the life of me I couldn't come up with the word contraction, until the student's mother walked through the room, chortling, and said, "A contraction? That's actually pretty funny you couldn't come up with THAT word." It was a very good joke!

"Badge of Honor"

It was discovered last night while I was getting ready for bed.

It's red.

It's a funny shape.

It's on my belly.

It's a stretch mark.

I mourned briefly but, at the same time, felt proud of my little red stretch mark. We'll see how I feel when I have dozens of them scattered across my belly like confetti on a table at a birthday party. I don't have to like them, but hopefully I won't mind them.

Baby Download 55% Complete

Today is twenty-two weeks of pregnancy. Baby is looking more and more like a newborn because of developed eyebrows and lips, and is also apparently sleeping in cycles of 12-14 hours. Squirmy must move in his or her sleep because I feel movement more frequently than that. Squirmy weighs around a pound by now and is roughly the size of a papaya, a fruit I'm not sure I've actually held in my hands before.

Thoughts from this week:

I think pregnancy has made me somewhat dyslexic.

The lower back pain has really started to kick in and I'm nervous because I know it's only going to get worse. Hauling around baskets of laundry and standing at the sink doing dishes for thirty minutes have become significantly more difficult tasks. And don't talk to me about mopping the floor.

Sleeping is also challenging these days, because in addition to my back pain my hips are particularly sore and hurt when I lie on my side no matter how much I stretch my I-bands (tendons on the outer parts of your hips) before I go to bed. Even though I prefer to sleep next to my husband, I am getting closer and closer to putting a foam topper on my father-in-law's old hospital bed and sleeping in that with the head of the bed inclined so I can finally just sleep on my back.

On Sunday I baked a cake, frosted it, and ate most of it over the course of two and a half days. I threw the rest of it away in a moment of sanity on Tuesday.

Last week I neglected exercise, partially due to the fact that my father-in-law was in the hospital with gallstone issues (he has since been discharged and is doing fine). This week I am trying to return to regular exercise of any kind because it seems to help with my back pain. (And don't forget all the cake I ate.)

I hear "boom" sound effects in my head when Squirmy gives a particularly strong kick, like the sound you hear on Jurassic Park when there's a Tyrannosaurus Rex in the distance and the glass of water gets rings on the surface because of the vibrations. I wonder what kind of sounds I'll hear at Christmas when I can't sleep at night because of the Tae Bo that will be occurring in my uterus.

Baby Download 53% Complete

Today is twenty-one weeks!

Squirmy weighs nearly a pound and has formed eyelids, eyebrows, and lips. I swear the other night I had my hand on my belly and felt a kick or two from the outside. Soon enough hubby will be able to feel baby's kicks, too!

The body changes have really kicked in and I am officially going through what feels like puberty again. My male friends may want to skip the rest of this entry altogether.

My feet seem to have grown.... given that I had to buy a pair of size twelve flats at Payless the other day. (I'm usually a 10 in casual shoes.)

I also struggle more to "cover up" for my teaching jobs. It doesn't matter how high my neckline is, either. I now empathize with the girls who complained during our internships how hard it was to cover up without wearing a scarf!

Belly itches a lot, surely that means stretch marks. I didn't really think the moderately priced "stretch mark prevention" lotion would work, but I've still been using it anyway as it seems to help with the itching.

That's all for now... I need a nap.

Ultrasound Joy

Today was the ultrasound that we could have used to determine the sex of the baby but chose not to -- and baby apparently was feeling shy anyway! Still, we got a nice look at the heart, all four chambers included, and the skull, spine, hands, feet, and brain. The doctor said everything looks perfect. I'm so excited!

Hubby went with me and was rapt with attention. It was sweet.

Here's what you've been waiting for... baby pictures!

Baby's knee is bent above his/her head in this picture.

Profile shot!

Precious tootsies!

See what I mean? No peeking allowed! Umbilical cord was bunched up under Squirmy's bum, and you can see it between the knees there.

After a while, baby curled up and started putting fingers and toes in his/her mouth.

More hiding behind hands and feet... Hubby's child for sure. "No pictures, please!"

We did finally get a nice face shot here. So in love with my little person.

January seems so close, and yet so far away. Close because we have so much preparing to do, but so far because I can't wait to see our little foot muncher in person!

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The baby has reached banana status, meaning that's about how big he or she is. After twenty weeks is when baby goes from being measured from crown to rump, to being measured from head to heel. If Squirmy could stand, he or she would be about ten inches tall.

Squirmy is swallowing amniotic fluid for nutrition, and therefore is also producing meconium, a sticky black substance, in his or her bowels. This will be the product of the first few diaper changes.

I've popped for sure now and everybody can tell I'm pregnant, which is fun for the most part, and at my sub job at the high school today a student asked if she could feel my bump (I said yes).

Some people have been asking for a picture. Here it is, complete with the dirty bathroom mirror.

Baby Download 48% Complete

Today is nineteen weeks. Next week is the "halfway" mark!

The baby is roughly the size of a mango and is about 6.5 inches long. Squirmy's brain is designating different lobes to specialize in various senses like taste, smell, hearing, and sight. Kidneys are fully functioning, hair continues to grow, and a waxy coating is forming on baby's skin to keep it from getting pruny in the amniotic fluid he or she will reside in for another five months.

I am growing steadily more plump but no definite "baby bump" yet, which I would really like to have simply to feel less like a big fatty and more like an obviously pregnant lady. My self esteem has been a bit low lately because I don't like how I look. No matter how much I paint my nails, pumice my feet, lather up with my favorite shower gel, put on makeup, and wear [what I think are] cute maternity clothes, I generally feel frumpy and so-so about my appearance. We'll blame it on hormones; I'm determined to feel cute at some point this pregnancy, and hopefully when my bangs are long enough to get the long pixie I really want (sometime next month), that will happen. I think it will help a lot because I feel much more confident with really short hair -- longer hair tends to make me look heavier because of how it sits around my face.

As many of my Facebook friends have seen, I am continuing to do workouts in hopes of not gaining more weight than I need to, having an easier labor, and being better able to lose the baby weight after delivery. I'm trying to do three days of definite cardio (for stamina and a strong heart) and three days of prenatal pilates (for strength and flexibility) every week. (Sorry to those of you who see the DailyMile posts all the time -- it motivates me to share my workouts.)

There's my weekly update. Can't wait to see Squirmy on September 3 via ultrasound!

No Nursery

We are not doing a paint-laden, animal themed, intricately decorated nursery. We don't have the finances, and frankly I don't see the need for it. What we are spending money on is new flooring in most of the house. As in, getting rid of the linoleum flooring that has staples where the cracks are and the carpet that smells like dog wee. You're welcome, baby.

We will, of course, have a safe and comfortable place for the baby to sleep. We're just not about to go to Lowes and Hobby Lobby and Babies R Us to buy paint and art and fancy stuff to fill a room with.


The "baby space" will NOT have:

A theme of any sort (unless you count the TMNT curtains that are still hanging from when Kevin was little)
New paint on the walls
Fancy bedding
An actual changing table


What the "baby space" WILL consist of:

A safe place for baby to sleep.
A dresser with baby's stuff in it.
Possibly a changing station, like a mat on a dresser, if we do cloth diapering.
A comfy rocking chair, probably the one I'm sitting in right now.

And of course, my mother-in-law gave us an old piece of my husband's childhood furniture as a contribution...

It's cute, but quite light, so I'm doubting I'll use it before little Squirmy understands how easy it would be to pull it -- and whatever contents are on the shelves -- over on top of him or herself. Cringe.

Baby Download 45% Complete

Today is eighteen weeks of pregnancy for me.

The baby is roughly the size of a sweet potato, about 5.5 inches long. Hair is growing, reproductive organs are developing, and the baby can now yawn, hiccup, suck, and swallow. Squirmy seems to move most at night before I go to bed and sometimes in the morning. The movement is subtle enough yet that if I'm not paying attention, I may not notice -- but it is unmistakable when I am lying on my side reading my scriptures.

In other news, I have officially become a psycho. It's actually a bit frightening. In the past week I have done as much crying as when I am clinically depressed. And the mood swings... holy buckets, the mood swings. I'll be laughing at something on Pinterest one moment and five minutes later I'll be crying.

My poor husband seems to be at a loss and I feel horrible for him. This is where the whole "unconditional love" part of marriage needs to kick in full blast if he's going to continue to live in the same house as me. Until then, here I am pinning articles on how to manage pregnancy mood swings because I don't think he's going to put up with me for very long before he resents my complete instability. I'm already starting to resent it, and I can't exactly leave the house to get away from myself.

On a lighter note, I have two ongoing, unpublished blog entries that I will post near the end of my pregnancy. One is a list of the foods I have craved throughout this pregnancy, and the other -- started today -- is a list of the dumbest reasons I have cried during this pregnancy. Both lists are growing steadily and I'm sure will be quite long by the time January rolls around.

A Pity Party, Just for Today

I am bummed.

I am bummed that I spent three days out of town at an expensive resort and have returned unsatisfied and unfulfilled because my husband was either not feeling well or too tired to do anything fun. I'm bummed that that was my only chance to get away and try to relax before the baby comes. I am bummed that for most of my birthday I was crying, exhausted, and miserable. I am bummed to be back in my dirty house again. I am bummed that school is starting up and I don't like the work I am returning to. I am bummed that I look fat, not pregnant, and I am bummed that I have to go back to working two jobs and Saturdays again next week.

Call me ungrateful, but today I am just feeling really low. Maybe it's pregnancy hormones that are making it impossible for me to feel positive today.

Baby Download 43% Complete

Seventeen weeks is today. According to my pregnancy tickers, the baby is roughly the size of an onion, is about 5.5 inches long, and his or her bones are beginning to ossify. Been chugging milk to assist with that.

I've definitely felt some unmistakable baby movement, earning my baby the ever so creative nickname of "Squirmy". I'm sick of calling the baby "it"!

I am now into many of my maternity pants; in fact, if I want to wear anything but yoga pants, I need to wear my maternity jeans. Now, if I could just start looking like I'm pregnant instead of like I'm just getting fat, that would be lovely!

It's nice to be able to enjoy my pregnancy now. I haven't had indigestion in a couple of days, which, really, is quite a lengthy vacation for my esophagus.

After reading that pregnant women should get at least 150 minutes of exercise in every week, I'm officially trying to work out for thirty minutes, 5-6 days a week, doing a combination of low-impact cardio, pilates, and a touch of yoga. I like thinking that this will hopefully make late pregnancy slightly less uncomfortable and labor just a smidgen quicker than it otherwise would be. And since lower back pain made a rather rude entrance into my life last week, I figure it's a good time for this regime -- I'm more comfortable and limber on the days I do pilates.

Pilates, Produce, and Polish

Another week change! Here I am, sixteen weeks along.

It's amazing how easily my limbs fall asleep. I can no longer lie on my left side or my whole arm falls asleep, and if I curl one leg up under me while I sit, that whole leg falls asleep. I guess that's increased blood volume for you.

I've started doing prenatal pilates, as most of my friends on Facebook are probably aware because of my Daily Mile posts (sorry everyone). Hopefully it keeps my body from falling apart entirely (I expect it to fall apart, but this might reduce the damage). :)

It's really lovely to feel well again. I was even really hungry today and didn't gag once! Now that I feel good I can go out of my way to eat really healthy foods again. Picked up quite a bit of produce at the grocery store today that I look forward to using in healthy meals.

Today was my sixteen week check up at the OBGYN and I got to hear baby's heartbeat again! At 152 bpm the nurse said that's right where it needs to be, and my doctor said that things were looking good and she told me to keep doing pilates. I'll be back in the first week of September to get a peek at my little offspring!

In other news, I have become all about nail polish, makeup, and cute clothes. Apparently pregnancy really brings out the woman in me!

The Big Let-Down

This spring I was hired into my local district as a half-time multi-categorical special education teacher. It was just what I wanted. I didn't have my own classroom because of very limited space, but I still loved it. (This fall I would have been moved to a different school and actually had my own designated space -- no more carrying bins of materials from one classroom to the next.)

I was hired after we started trying to get pregnant but before I was actually pregnant. I should have known that as soon as I landed the perfect job with the perfect, consistent number of hours that I wanted that I would get pregnant and have to leave. (Remember, I was diagnosed with PCOS and thought it would take months and months for us to conceive. I'm not complaining about the timing, but we honestly didn't expect it to happen as soon as it did.)

And I've always, always known that once I had a baby I wouldn't work anymore. I just didn't know I'd have to quit five months before the baby is even here.

Stupid me -- I thought it would be all fine and dandy to let the district know that I'm expecting a baby in January and wouldn't return after Christmas break. Well, that's not how district contracts work. You either sign up for the entire school year or you don't.

And I want to be a stay-at-home mom from the moment that baby comes out of me.

So I didn't sign the contract.


I have spent most of the afternoon and evening crying. This half time position would have been the ultimate, perfect job to have while pregnant. It was an afternoon assignment, meaning that after sleepless nights caused by pregnancy insomnia I could have a bit of a rest before I went into work. I would be at the same place, working with the same students, MY students, in MY classroom, every day, for no more than twenty-five hours a week -- CONSISTENCY -- and I'd make the same amount of money as if I were subbing all day, every day.

Well, when you don't get to teach, you get to sub. None of those luxuries come with subbing, in fact it's almost always a shot in the dark. You have to find classrooms in weird buildings and answer the question "Where's Mrs. ______?" fifty times. Subbing in kindergarten one day and seventh grade the next means two days of the same mess of misbehavior and children lying to your face. I suppose the main difference is that I have yet to be flipped off and called a b**** by a kindergarten student.

Some people love subbing! Unfortunately, I do not in the least enjoy the "adventure" of subbing. I don't like having to manage students I don't know day after day, having to figure out each teacher's different routine and usually realizing too late how things are actually supposed to go. I don't like having to be that sub who has to call the office because a student is having a meltdown and throwing chairs or because three students mysteriously disappeared to the bathroom and never came back. Being a sub means I am taken advantage of every day by students who know I don't know what to expect from them. It means I have to scream simply to be heard. It means I'm either the meanest person alive or I am a complete doormat. Every. Day.

To put it [unprofessionally] bluntly, subbing sucks, and I wasn't planning on doing that this fall. Now it's my only choice, and I'm feeling admittedly bitter about it. I would much rather have a job I'm sad to leave than have to count down each long, unpredictable day until I can finally just have the baby.

I wanted to have my own students. My own classroom. Even just from August to December. This was my last shot at having that experience. It hurts, badly, that I had to turn it down. I know it will be worth it once the baby is here, but this is very, very hard on me and I am actually having a very real grieving process over this. I don't know that I will ever have that opportunity again.

You had better feel loved, little baby. I'm doing this because I already do.

Baby Download 38% Complete

Today marks fifteen weeks I've been pregnant, and according to www.thebump.com, the baby is the length of a navel orange, has fully developed fingernails, and weighs three ounces.  Six weeks until I get to see him or her again via ultrasound!

We will not be finding out the sex and you can actually blame my husband for that.  The man who, in all other cases, carefully lines up each of his ducks, wants a surprise!  I fought him on it for a while, but then gave in once I concluded that I have no preference of having a boy or a girl, and that getting gender neutral baby things would be a smart idea anyway. (I'm not promising a surprise next time around.)

Three Thoughts from Today

1) I park in the designated "New and Expecting Mothers" parking spot at HyVee (midwestern grocery chain).  It is admittedly fun to know I can technically park there. I'm not showing and am starting to feel better, so I feel a bit bad for it, especially when I notice suspicious glares from passersby. But there are four or five of these spots in the parking lot, usually all unoccupied, while the rest of the parking lot is nearly chocked full.  On the other hand, what if a new mother with a freshly birthed baby would have taken that spot? It's quite the internal struggle for me, really!

2) My current "thing" is pasta salad. My husband hates pasta salad, so when he perked up and asked what I was making as I put some water on the stove, I felt a little bashful with my answer. He is disappointed, poor guy. But, really, how can you go wrong with creamy ranch sprinkled with delicious bacon bits and tiny vegetables in small enough amounts to go unnoticed?

3) Maybe I'm crunchy, but -- mainly to save money, and because I know there's only one kid coming out of this pregnancy -- I'm very seriously looking into cloth diapering.  Before you freak out and say "ewwww," just hear me out!  Cloth diapering has come a LONG WAY from leaky plastic pants, dishcloths, and pins. And, call me crazy, but after obsessively researching, watching literally dozens of YouTube videos, and visiting countless CD blogs... I think I might be able to handle it... yes, really, you CAN call me crazy! :)

My First Trimester in Memes

As of this coming Friday, I will be fifteen weeks pregnant.

The following images are a review of my pregnancy thus far:

Weeks 4-7

Week 5

I was SO hungry it was scary.

Weeks 7-Current

 Weeks 8-10

Weeks 8-Current

Weeks 10-Current

Yeah, except I only had 1/2 a PBJ sandwich and I'm STILL HUNGRY but if I eat anything else I will THROW UP.

I seem to be slowly getting over the whole morning sickness part of this. Sort of.  It used to be that I felt sick all day.  Eventually I got to where I was okay until lunch or early afternoon.  Now I seem to be okay until some point in the late afternoon or early evening.  So this has to keep getting better, right?  I can't keep puking every night, right?  Don't answer that.

At seven weeks, I had my first ultrasound.  The baby was essentially a little line with a flashing heartbeat on a black and white cone-shaped screen.  I have a couple of pictures from the ultrasound but, given that it looks nothing like a baby, I'll wait to share images until after the twenty week ultrasound in September. :)

At ten weeks, I heard in the examination room via a fetal doppler the "WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH" of my baby's heartbeat. What a feeling! <3

A big worry I had this pregnancy was flying out to California to take care of my grandpa for two weeks (weeks 10-12 of my pregnancy) while my aunt and uncle, his primary caretakers, took some much-needed vacation. I was terrified I would be too sick to properly take care of him, even with the Zofran my doctor gave me, which, by the way, DID help noticeably with the nausea, but also made me feel like this:

And nothing helped. NOTHING. Even after I stopped taking Zofran, it took two weeks for me not to nearly give myself a hernia or give early birth every time I had to go number two.

Anyway -- even with Zofran as my friend (sorta), I worried I wouldn't be able to do the job.  So the morning I left for the airport, I asked my husband for a priesthood blessing.  In the blessing I was promised that I would have less nausea and I would be able to give my grandfather the care he needed, and that is exactly what I needed to hear.  I love having the priesthood in my home!

So guess when my nausea started getting pushed back into the early afternoons instead of ALL DAY LONG?  My first day in California.  I even forgot to take my Zofran because of the whole change of routine and living out of my suitcase.

I find this meme quite fitting because I was in the car when I realized I had forgotten my Zofran, and then realized that I was doing okay without it!

Not having morning sickness in, well, the mornings, was extremely helpful.  My grandfather has diabetes, kidney disease, and poor eyesight.  Part of his health care is needing kidney dialysis three times a week and, due to his poor eyesight, cannot drive himself to these appointments.  Dialysis was three days a week at 9:00 AM, so I was able to get him there and then back by about 1:00 PM and not feel too ill until after we got home.  We actually empathized each other quite well!  Both of us were familiar with nausea, occasional throwing up, needed lots of naps, and we both did a lot of sitting around when NOT napping.

We watched a lot of American Ninja Warrior, Judge Judy, America's Got Talent, and Family Feud in his sitting room.  So a lot of the time, this was us:

I was usually accompanied by a knitting loom (to knit baby stuff), a soda (to help me burp and thereby briefly relieve indigestion), and a bowl of popcorn (to help me poop).

I really enjoyed time with my grandpa!  It was nice to be able to talk with him about his childhood and about my mom, aunts, and uncles when they were kids.  Given that I did not think I'd have the opportunity to see him again in this life, it was a blessing to go out and see him.

(I even got to have brunch with my cousin -- who lives about an hour from my aunt -- while I was out there!)

During my last few days in California, my parents came up with my two youngest siblings to see us and help out with Grandpa's care. It was really wonderful getting to see everyone and talk about pregnancy issues and joys with my mom.  We spent some time just hanging out in my aunt's pool and also took a day trip to Big Trees and to see my cousin again.  I didn't feel the best during this whole trip, but I'm so glad I was able to go out west and see members of my family.  This experience was truly a blessing!

Since I've been back, I've mostly had sickness in the late afternoon and evening, and am keeping my fingers crossed that I'll feel significantly better by the time school starts again in August.

I think that about catches us up to right now. Future blogs will be shorter and likely contain more humor similar to what you saw in this post.  Here's to growing a baby!

Trading in Tango

In April, sometime between the appointment with my family practitioner and the actual OBGYN, my dog Tango got a UTI of some sort. She seemed to get one every two or three months, and they were always treated with antibiotics and went away. So I collected a sample of her red-tinged urine and took it in.

Tango had been in my life since I was twelve years old and my mom brought her as a puppy into the house. She moved from Texas to Dubuque with us in 2003, and when my parents moved in the summer of 2012 to southern Nevada they left her with me, given that she was getting quite old and arthritic and hated being in the car. They feared she may fall into the pool and not make it out, and knew that in general she would be happier in a house out in the country, which is where I live with my husband. So we had adopted Tango into our family, and she and Sadie the pug tolerated each other pretty well. K loved her, too, even though he rarely admitted it.

This was the third UTI she had and the doctor wanted me to bring her in for some blood tests. So a few days after it was confirmed she had a UTI and had been put on antibiotics, I brought her in, shivering and shedding, to get a blood draw.

Results came back a few days later as kidney disease -- and Tango was in stage three kidney failure. I felt down about it but not overly surprised. Tango did not show immediate signs of slowing down, either. She still wriggled around on her back when she wanted to play and romped around the house stiffly when I played with her. She was still herself, so aside from switching her to all distilled water and a homemade renal diet that she rather despised, I didn't make many changes for her. Even with her diet I eventually became pretty lenient -- she may as well enjoy her food while she was around.

 Tango, waiting for K to come home one night.

Both dogs insisted on hanging out in the bathroom in the mornings with us. Tango always followed K into the bathroom as soon as he got up and sat near him while he got ready for the day.

I frequently came home to find Tango asleep like this.

Tango, seemingly asking me if I'm serious about wanting her to eat the entire homemade renal dish I put in front of her. (And Sadie silently offering to consume all of it within five seconds.)

My husband and I obeyed the OBGYN's orders regarding the Clomid and the two week wait for testing began.

It was during this time that Tango began to slow down. It was harder to wake her up from naps when I came home, and she began eating and drinking less water. I went entirely back to her old food that she preferred in hopes she would eat more.

May came, and Mother's Day weekend -- the weekend I would start testing -- approached. I had set a tentative schedule in mid May to have Tango euthanized because I knew she wasn't happy anymore.

Friday, May 10 was the first day I felt comfortable testing. That second pink line was barely visible, and I questioned whether I was seeing things, but it was there.

That night, I knew Tango was in bad shape. She could barely walk, absolutely refused to eat or drink, and was throwing up bile. She trembled miserably and looked terribly sad. I wondered if she would even make it through the night, and called my mom in tears. We agreed to take her into the vet the next morning to let her go. I tucked Tango into her bed in the kitchen and camped out next to her while I called the vet to let him know I needed to do it tomorrow.

Everyone camped out on the floor with Tango that night.

She was clearly miserable and sat like this for most of the night. I stroked her head gently and talked to her quietly. Neither of us slept much.

I don't remember if I tested the next morning. We got up early and took her into the vet, carrying her on her bed stretcher-style -- as she could not walk -- to say goodbye.

Even Sadie knew Tango was sick.

After it was all over, we wrapped Tango up in her blanket, brought her back home and buried her in the backyard.

It was such a hard day, one of the hardest days in my life. Tango was the first dog I was fully responsible for regarding her health care decisions, diet, and other aspects. It was terrible to say goodbye, but it was the right thing to do.

It was hard to be excited that I might be pregnant. Even with a more definite positive pregnancy test on Mother's Day, I had a hard time pushing aside my sadness to make room for excitement. That would come later.

Looking back, I count that weekend as one of God's ultimate tender mercies. The weekend He invited my baby Tango back home was the same weekend I got the promise that, soon, I would be able to have another baby -- my very own baby!

A Problem Unmasked

This entry addresses some minor feminine health issues I had to deal with whilst trying to conceive.  It is not graphic or highly descriptive, but I have given some general descriptions of the symptoms I experienced. This is a rather personal entry, and while I wouldn't deem it inappropriate for anyone to read, I ask not to be judged based on any health decisions I have made. (And, honestly, this is probably going to be the most boring entry.  If you want to know what happened in the end, read the last two paragraphs. :P)

The new year rolled around and we started trying.  I had joined an online pregnancy forum and had started my own thread in the "Trying to Conceive" posting section. A lot of the ladies on there were really helpful and made some fertility book recommendations. I picked up one of those books from the library and realized how ignorant of the whole conception process I really was. It gave me a nice little education! The problem was that my body doesn't go by the book; rather, it does its own thing.

As a teenager, I never, ever had regular cycles -- just five to seven a year, and they were always accompanied by migraines and vicious cramps, cramps that traveled down my legs and to my ankles as well as down my arms to my wrists. Once I was eighteen and they weren't any better, my mom made a doctor's appointment to see what could be done to address this issue.

The female doctor who performed my exam had an abstinence-themed poster in the examination room. She suggested use of the Pill for regulation and then lectured me on the risks of having sex even while on the pill, and then when, being a good Mormon girl, I assured her that I wasn't interested in using it as birth control, she didn't seem to believe me. Nevertheless, she put me on it and from that time until my husband and I had been married for three years and decided we were ready to try for a baby, I was on it. The Pill all but eliminated my horrible cramps and irregular cycles, but when the time came to stop taking it I knew that there must be a problem it hadn't addressed, only masked.

At the end of 2013 I stopped the pill and had the usual "withdrawal" period in early January. The month passed without another cycle starting. February and March passed. Nothing. I was not pregnant -- I had been testing every couple of weeks to make sure, even though I knew I wasn't. I made an appointment with my family doctor, and he referred me to an OBGYN, whom I visited in April. By then I had still not had a real period, and I was still definitely not pregnant.  Though I had hoped it wouldn't, I had seen this coming and worried what was wrong with me. This wasn't just a problem caused by being on the Pill for six years -- it had been a problem before, and it remained undiagnosed and unresolved.

I had done some research and determined the problem was likely either Endometriosis or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) based on my symptoms. Treatment for the former would potentially involve surgery to remove excess tissue from outside the uterus. The latter is one of the most common feminine health issues that affect fertility and is easier to address. The OBGYN agreed that it was likely one of the two, said I wasn't ovulating on my own, and wrote up a prescription that would induce a period. She told me to let her know whether or not it was painful and had me schedule an appointment to come back in several days.

The prescription worked and I had very little pain, which is how it always was while I was on the Pill. At my next appointment, the OBGYN had me go in for an ultrasound.

The ultrasound room was dark. It was interesting seeing the cone-shaped screen with my uterus on it. I thought to myself how wonderful it would be to someday see a little person in there. Then the technician adjusted the wand and I saw, one at a time, both of my ovaries appear on the screen. They were both covered in black splotches, and I knew in my gut what that indicated.

Sure enough, my OBGYN informed me that I had PCOS, which was why I was not ovulating on my own. She prescribed me to a generic form of Clomid, which causes the body to ovulate, and gave me a window of dates that Kevin and I should actively try to conceive.