Birth Story

Wrapping up this blog "series" with a hastily written birth story, as I have a sleeping baby who is bound to wake up soon and need to be fed.

My final OB/GYN appointment was Wednesday, January 21. I had an ultrasound to get the Squirmy's measurements to determine how big the baby was.

My OB was very concerned about how big she seemed to be measuring -- she guessed ten pounds -- and told me she recommended a C section the following day. I was upset that I wasn't going to have the vaginal birth I had tried so hard to prepare for, but after discussing it further with her I agreed.

I called my husband to tell him the C section news, went to Wal*Mart, picked up some snacks and extra pajamas, and grabbed some comfort food at Wendy's before heading home.

That night I cried a lot. I hadn't researched Cesareans in the same in-depth way I had researched vaginal birthing, so the next day seemed more foreboding even though I crammed on what to expect on the Internet all night.

One of our home teachers came over that night and gave us both a blessing -- me so that I would endure the surgery, and Kevin so that he wouldn't pass out in the operating room (a legitimate concern as he blacked out during one of the birthing classes at the vague description of an epidural procedure).

I went to bed and did not sleep. I cried and cried, I was so anxious about the next day (mind, I had gotten only a couple of hours of sleep the night before, so you can imagine how exhausted I already was). Eventually I found a sleep hypnosis track on YouTube that I played from my phone and may have gotten a couple of phases into sleep by the next morning, but I kept waking up.

The next morning I didn't feel as anxious, probably because the wait was almost over. We packed the car and went to Mercy to check in. I remember a little paperwork and then being offered a wheelchair up to the birthing floor, which I declined. They showed us to the room where we would spend three days after the surgery, laid out a gown to change into, and left. Hubs went down to the car to bring up the hospital bags, and I got changed.

The worst part of operation prep? Getting poked for an IV! I hadn't been allowed to eat or drink anything after midnight the previous night, so my veins were difficult to get -- not to mention the nurse prodding at me was new and a bit clumsy.

By the time I was successfully hooked up,my husband was back with the bags and our friend Katie, who is a surgical nurse, had come (as backup in case Kevin did indeed black out and have to miss the cesarean). Kevin was given scrubs and instructed to change in the bathroom connected to our room. He came out and we took a few pictures of the two of us.

The next thing I knew, I was being rolled down the hall to surgery. My stomach tightened as we exited the warm, baby-themed hallway and entered the cold, white operation room through two sets of double doors.

They rolled my bed right up against the operating table, which was long and narrow. The anesthesiologist, Paul, was very friendly and good-humored, but as I sat on the edge of the table trying to slump over as I was instructed, I began to shake uncontrollably and the tears came -- not in sobs, but in a quiet panic. This was happening! The nurses were SO KIND to me and held my hand and asked me to describe the baby's nursery while I was being numbed for the dreaded spinal. I feared I'd get tapped and be forever paralyzed -- of course, that didn't happen.

Once the spinal was completed, they laid me down on my back and, chatting with each other, rolled me underneath the lights. I could see the reflection of my bare belly as they rubbed it with iodine. Paul did some tests with an alcohol wipe on my belly, asking me what I could feel and what I couldn't until he was confident I was properly numb and paralyzed from the waist down. Then the curtain went up. My OB told me about how long her procedures usually take and had me predict when the baby would be out. I guessed 2:01. Just before they cut into me, my husband was brought in. He was brilliant. There I was, my arms strapped down, a curtain lying between my face and my mostly naked, very pregnant, iodine-smeared body, trying to keep my breathing at an even pace even though I was crying. He brought his face close to mine and stroked my hair and reminded me we were about to meet our baby, and told me how well I was doing. It was exactly what I needed.

Shortly I could feel a tugging sensation in my abdomen and after a few minutes Paul asked me to speed to my breathing. The tugging sensation grew stronger and then I heard a tiny, muffled cry that grew into a full yell. After a few seconds, I heard my OB announce that the baby was a girl, and they popped her around the curtain. She was red, covered in blood, and screaming, still attached to a long umbilical cord. She disappeared briefly as they cleaned her up and cut the cord, and then was brought by my face for the skin-to-skin contact I had requested earlier. I kept saying "Hi baby girl," and "I love you." Surprisingly, I cried less after I met her than I had been before the surgery.

Then it was time for them to take her away to be cleaned, weighed, etc, and for me to be sewn up. Even though we had already planned on doing this, I told my husband twice to go with them to do skin-to-skin with her. He later said that as he left the operation room, he turned back and looked briefly, saw my abdomen completely disassembled, and got out of there pretty fast.

Natalie born at exactly 2:00 PM on Thursday, January 22, 2015 and weighed 8 pounds, 9 ounces and measured 20.5 cm long

As I was being sewn up, my OB called out to Paul, "Paul... the intestines are falling out!" Paul looked over at her and said, "Well, put them back in!" Jokesters, I tell you.

I don't remember how long it was between the time I was back in my room and the time Natalie, then still unnamed, was placed in my arms, but I don't think it was very long at all. Kevin had done about twenty minutes of skin-to-skin with her and she was rooting for the breast already.

The next three days consisted of struggling to sleep because of the whirring, beeping, and clicking machines I was hooked up to, waiting for the feeling and movement to come back into my legs, working on standing and walking again, sending pictures to parents and friends, and struggling to breastfeed. Visitors came, gifts came, and we deliberated for a good couple of days on a name for our daughter before agreeing on Natalie Renee.

Now Natalie is just over a month old, five weeks old tomorrow. I can't believe the time that has passed already, as long as the days have seemed due to lack of sleep. We are adjusting to each other but my husband and I both adore her and I daresay she likes us, too.

Baby Download 100% Complete... Waiting for Ejection

Well, it's officially Squirmy's due date, and he/she is the size of a jackfruit. Do you know what a jackfruit is? It's something I'd like to banish from my uterus, that's what it is. My husband has told me to send the baby an eviction notice.

I am receiving a lot of kicks and elbows and especially headbutts to the cervix, but no contractions. Still 1-2 cm dilated, and Squirmy is dropping lower and lower, making my groin very uncomfortable, especially when walking, trying to put on pants, rolling over in bed... yeah, moving my legs hurts my groin.

I was actually asked at HyVee if there is ONLY one baby in there. When I responded yes, the woman said, "That must be a BIG boy!" Uh, thanks for calling me/my baby fat and assuming the sex.

Note: Don't ever tell a pregnant woman how big she is; we're self conscious enough in the first place, and on top of that I am already worried that I somehow made my baby a fatty because my OB has suddenly said the baby is very big, even though I've measured to-the-day at all my appointments. I know we don't REALLY know until the baby's out, but it still makes me nervous, especially since the baby might not even be here for another week and should be gaining an ounce per day at this point.

Some brief, mild cramping has taken place here and there, but nothing truly interesting, nor nearly as painful as the menstrual cramps I used to get before I was put on the Pill to regulate my cycles... Now THOSE were agonizing. The other night I was hopeful I might be having a tiny contraction or Braxton Hicks. Instead I ended up farting on the dog. Sorry, Sadie.

Change "mother" to "mother-in-law" and "ice cream" to "junk cereal" and this is fairly accurate. Haven't really pinned down names yet though.

(P.S. It's okay not to have names picked out prior to birth... calm down, peeps.)

So while I walk on the treadmill and swim in the pool and sit on my physical therapy ball hoping labor will start, I anxiously await Thursday of next week when I will be induced if nothing comes to pass. I think I'll call that "manual override" and desperately hope to avoid it.

I have been consuming a lot of cereal lately. It takes very little effort to prepare, comes in a variety of flavors and textures, is quick to clean up, and is fortified with tons of vitamins. So even when I'm eating total crap like Marshmallow Maties or Reeses Puffs Cereal I can at least know I'm getting some form of nutrition. It's not like I have the stomach volume to stuff my face and eat thousands of calories anyway -- I've stopped gaining weight and in fact lost a little bit according to the OB scale at Medical Associates.

Sleep has become even more sparing. Even when I'm exhausted and fairly comfortable, I usually only doze for a couple of hours, seemingly without ever entering into REM sleep, before I'm up again for another hour or so. After that I usually can catch at least a couple of full cycles of sleep, and, although it usually means I sleep into the afternoon, it seems to be enough right now, which helps me get over the fact that I can't sleep when I actually want to. Squirmy's going to come and screw all that up, anyway. :)

Overall, I have to say that if all my pregnancies are like this one up to this point, that will be fine. I can't complain at all given how sick some women get because of various problems, and especially knowing that there are a lot of women who want to conceive but greatly struggle to get/stay pregnant or can't at all. I'm really thankful I've been able to conceive and carry my child in a safe and healthy way, regardless of mood swings/being a psycho, morning sickness, physical discomforts, or poor sleep. I know it's all worth it, including the last few long days ahead of me before Squirmy finally arrives.

One thing I'm minorly disappointed about: My belly button never popped out.  I was really looking forward to weirding out my husband with an outie.

Baby Download 97% Complete

We are in the final stretch here... Squirmy is comparable to a watermelon in size and weight.

Had a lot of discomfort low in my pelvis last night. Squirmy seemed to be really burrowing down there. He or she also got the hiccups, and for every one I could feel a THUD in my butt, which was interesting to say the least.

OB appointment this morning: Baby is lower, so low that I am actually measuring small, although my OB said she thinks Squirmy is a "good sized baby". Dilation is still 1-2 cm and cervix is beginning to thin. I will be induced before 41 weeks if my body doesn't start things up on its own. Next week she said she may do an ultrasound to see how big Squirmy is in order to determine when inducement should take place, assuming I haven't gone into labor by then.

Sleep is a never-ending battle. I don't like sleeping all day, but when I manage to get myself to sleep at night for a couple of nights in a row, my body seems to rebel and will keep me up for most of the night all over again (this happened last night, I went to bed at eleven and was wide awake from 1-4:30 AM -- with Tylenol PM [recommended by OB] in my system).

Because of the sleep issues that cause such exhaustion when I have to be up prior to noon, I didn't make it to church, which switched to the morning slot for 2015, last week, and I'm worried I won't make it next week, either. I would like to make it one more time before I'm out for a month with a new baby. We'll see how it goes!

No bump pic for now, will try to squeeze in another one or two before Squirmy comes.

I need a nap.

Baby Download 95% Complete

Squirmy is a little pumpkin now, weighing around seven pounds. I had my 38 week check-up today and, as usual, am measuring to the day... yay! The baby was head down and -- drumroll please -- I am 1-2 cm dilated! I could stay like that for a few weeks or I may slowly progress until I go into labor in the next several days... I am guessing the first one is what will come to pass. Still, it is exciting!

We are rounding up the last few baby things that we need (yeah, we're behind... packages containing things like pajamas and receiving blankets are yet on the way).

My hips seem to have spread so far apart that I may actually have a thigh gap after this is all over.

I have a pregnancy belt that has shoulder straps and it is truly a bra for my belly -- which has definitely dropped, by the way. I love this belt.

I have continued sewing. Will do a blog featuring my finished projects later on. Next project is a sleep sack!

All exercise is now in the form of swimming because of my low belly and sore hips/groin.

My husband is truly a super hero with all the work he has done to prepare this house for the baby. I am becoming more and more physically unable to do useful things and he has really stepped up. It's a pity he has to return to work on Monday.

Tonight we went out to eat for our anniversary, which is on Sunday! We had some lovely food from Olive Garden. Happy fourth anniversary to my sweetheart! I am so thankful for my husband.

Since I got "dressed up" for our date I had my husband take a bump picture. Feast your eyes on thirty-eight weeks gestation!

Baby Download 92% Complete

Squirmy is now the size of a winter melon... whatever that may be! 6+ pounds now and focusing primarily on lung and brain development, although technically I'm term now and if I went into labor right this minute, my OB wouldn't try to keep me pregnant! I still don't see my body ejecting this kid before my due date (January 16), though.

At my most recent OB appointment, which took place on Christmas Eve, everything looked good -- blood pressure was great, belly is measuring to the day, Squirmy's heart rate was right where it should be (once they find it, anyway... Squirmy tends to be very wiggly during my appointments). The one change was that Squirmy was FINALLY head down! Of course, last night I could definitely feel a head under one side of my ribcage and a butt under the other side, so we'll see if this baby is breech or not next week. If there is any doubt, an ultrasound will be performed, which I wouldn't mind because of my worry that the butt and the head tend to feel rather similar.

I am enjoying having my husband home for the last couple of weeks of the year because of his leftover PTO. He has been doing things like assembling car seat bases and the stroller, as well as devoutly studying the baby book that I'm most of the way through myself. Our next two goals are to officially organize the baby's room and other stuff, and to clean our room which has become quite the pit. Seriously, I should post before pictures so the rest of you feel not-so-bad about your own messy rooms.

There is a co-sleeper bed, which is pretty much the piece of baby gear I wanted most aside from the car seat/stroller combo, in a box out in the living room. We will need to get that set up too so we can put it by the bed. If that's not motivation to clean our room, I don't know what is!

I am continuing to work out and will probably switch to mostly cardio, partially because the increasing pelvic pain I've had is making Pilates more difficult, but mainly because cardio seems to be the best antidote for the painful swelling in my hands and fingers, which has started this week. I should take before and after pictures of my fingers; before I work out I can't even put on my grandmother's ring, which is probably a size ten! Afterwards I can usually put my wedding ring back on, and that is a size 7.5. Not sure if I just sweat it out, or what, but that seems to work more efficiently than just lemon water and watching my sodium intake.

Sleeping is hard; I may spend the last two or three weeks of my pregnancy sleeping in the recliner. Both of my arms fall asleep if I sleep on my side, and my hips tend to hurt from lying on my side as well. I have a LOT of pelvic discomfort, from my hips to my groin, and this actually makes trying to move my legs up and down (e.g. putting on pants. yikes) or from side to side (e.g. every time I roll over in bed and use my legs to do it instead of my abs) a pretty painful experience (hence why I am laying off the Pilates). The elliptical is fine, however, and I usually feel more limber after that. After my cardio workouts I have been doing a yoga squat until my feet just can't handle it anymore, as well as cat/cow stretches which help ease my back out of that squatting position.

Sadly I don't think my workouts as of late will do much to deter the effects my chocolate consumption. It's the holidays, I guess, but on the other hand I'm not eating a whole lot because there's not a lot of room for food in my stomach. Maybe it will all balance out. ;)

No bump pic today, but I am getting my hair cut on Tuesday and will probably have hubby take a picture of me then when I don't feel so shaggy. I do have some baby furniture pics, though.

This is the beautiful crib that was gifted to us by some lovely people in our ward. You know who you are! Thank you! (Pardon the grocery bag and the baby book on the floor.)

This is the changing dresser we ordered with the help of a generous gift card from a friend. You also know who you are; thank you!

I would like to thank everyone and anyone who has been following my pregnancy journey. It means a great deal that you take the time to read or even just scan my entries.

Baby Download [nearly] 90% Complete

It's been a little longer than usual since I did an update. Before I post this I will try to get my husband to take a bump picture so I can add it to the post.

Though not for much longer, Squirmy is the size of a coconut... a dancing coconut. It's weird that I can feel movement not only in my belly, but in my waist and almost in my back. My abdomen frequently does the wave and takes on odd, not-so-round shapes as Squirmy adjusts and sticks his/her butt in my kidney. It struck me that if I had the baby today, I would have a pretty close to normal size baby -- not just a teensy, almost- or barely-third-trimester preemie, but a baby that would probably do pretty fine without much assistance from NICU. We are down to the wire!

Baby Prep

We are also getting closer to being "ready" for this baby! My hospital bag is mostly packed, and I have actually started a bag for my husband as well (mostly snacks, water, some OTC meds, and a travel pillow). Just need to get some baby things into Squirmy's bag at this point. I finally washed all the baby clothes, towels, etc and those can be organized. The changing dresser is fully assembled and the top drawer is completely organized with cloth diapers (with a package of disposables to start with).

Our wonderful home teachers helped hubby assemble the crib, which was very generously donated to us from another family in our ward. The stain of the crib matches the dresser perfectly, which is kind of nice. There will be more pictures of the furniture when it's not surrounded by piles and piles of baby stuff.

My truly lovely visiting teachers have been checking in on me and even prepared me several frozen meals. I have a spectacular ward family that has my back, and I am incredibly blessed for that.

My husband very meticulously went over the car seat installation manual and insisted that I read it as well. We have two bases for each of our cars, which should make life pretty convenient for both of us.

We are so broke from buying baby things. And it's not like we've been spending money on creating an elaborate nursery, either -- we've been pretty darn practical! No wipe warmers, baby-themed wall art, or video monitors for us. I've gotten a lot of things second hand for cheap or free (CRIB, pack 'n play, maternity clothes, Baby Bjorn, baby bath, baby bouncer, baby swing, baby socks, cloth diapers, and more). Other things, such as the dresser, we have had help with thanks to generous gift cards and cash. A cozy family shower provided us with some other things like adorable clothes, diaper wipes, and toys. Additionally, I'm sewing other things myself because I know certain things such as crib sheets, Boppy cases, breast pads, swaddle blankets and sleep sacks will just be cheaper that way (and I confess that I rather enjoy sewing). In the near future I will dedicate a blog post to the things I've made for Squirmy and include links to videos and blog tutorials that I couldn't have completed the projects without.

Not only have I been sewing baby things; I have also sewn some practical but fun Christmas gifts for family instead of going out and spending money, which my husband has asked me to try very hard not to do. This seems to make my husband appreciate the time I spend at the sewing machine a little more; while we don't have extra cash for presents, it's very important to him that we give nice presents to his family. So... yay me!

Well, since you asked...

Perhaps this is a rude thing to do, but since I've had a couple of people ask what I need, we are registered both at Target and at Amazon. There are still a few things I would like to have that I will get a lot of use out of. I have looked back on my baby shower gifts from when I was younger and buying for others, and I shake my head at myself for buying onesies that read "Diaper loading... please wait" and making themed Christmas stockings instead of going to the registry and getting something practical and guaranteed usage. This makes it sound like I don't want or appreciate homemade gifts or humorous baby outfits, which isn't true. I'm thankful for ANYTHING somebody takes the time, money, and energy to give me out of the kindness of their hearts. As my anxiety increases and as my due date (less than a month away) draws nearer, however, I am definitely on the look-out for practical things like cloth diapers that I am simply running out of money to get myself... so basically, don't be afraid to get me what might seem boring!  Hopefully this paragraph doesn't leave people wanting to put a shoe up my seemingly ungrateful rear end. I always appreciate anything that anyone gives or does for me, including prayers and thoughts when you are not in a good place to give material possessions. :) As I mentioned earlier, I'm short on cash too. This is NOT a request to buy me stuff! This paragraph is included because I've been asked a few times about what I need.

Humor and Other Updates...

Normal sized bathroom stalls are becoming difficult to shut myself into. I should go from having an "innie" to an "outie" any day.  I have learned to use the bathroom every time I move somewhere else in the house and between meetings at church.

Really, there have been NO complications in this pregnancy. At every OB appointment my belly is measuring to the day, Squirmy's heart rate is right where it needs to be, and my blood pressure has been perfect. I'm still trying to exercise 4-6 times a week and split time fairly equally between cardio and Pilates. Anything I have to complain about is completely normal. One UTI, for example, has been addressed with anti-biotics. There are a couple of other common third trimester, TMI issues I'm coping with that are just not a big deal. Hunger and heartburn frequently coincide. Sleeping comfortably is becoming impossible, which means I sleep in ridiculously late. My feet swell if I'm on them too often, so I put them up regularly and use compression socks. I had a couple of weeks where I just felt really, really down, but I am feeling more like myself now. Everything seems to be going swimmingly. I'd much rather have these benign pregnancy symptom complaints than have complications... because if I'm doing well, that should mean Squirmy is doing well, too!

And here is a bump picture at 35 weeks and 5 days, garnished with a Sadie, our 80's curtain, and our fancy Dollar General Christmas tree that may not get ornamented this year. (I know, I should have turned to the side. Oops/duh. Next week!)

Baby Download [just about] 85% Complete

Tomorrow will be 34 weeks of pregnancy.

I'm pretty much convinced I have walking pneumonia because of the combination of misery and functionality I've endured for about a week now. Tomorrow after my OBGYN appointment I have an appointment with my general practitioner; we will see what he thinks.

At my OBGYN appointment I am thinking I won't be looking at the scale when they weigh me. These numbers get in my head and upset me. Hopefully my doctor won't come in and say "well you've gained X pounds..." Meh.

I have completely dropped the exercise this week as well because I feel so run down with a cough, sore throat, and nasty sinus drainage. That, combined with the many hours of sleep I seem to require lately, isn't helping my mood much-- by the time I'm up for the day the sun is going down soon.

However, I have gotten some sewing projects done -- three Boppy pillow slip covers, which required the mastery of sewing a zipper. So at least I accomplished that. Last night I started a nursing cover which I intended to finish today, but didn't because I don't feel like doing much more than sitting in the recliner wasting time on the Internet.

For a brief period today I had the edge of my laptop resting on my belly, and the screen kept bouncing because of how much Squirmy was moving. Much of the day my belly has been bumping around... at least one of us is feeling energetic!

Baby Download 82% Complete

33 weeks today. Squirmy is pushing five pounds and is moving more than ever. I love it when I can feel my baby moving.

I have re-written this entry a few times now. I feel so negative about myself and my weight gain (which is completely out of control in spite of my vigilant exercise routine), and for this reason I did not update last week. I have very few positive feelings to share.

I am a bit worried about having prenatal depression. As somebody who has struggled on and off with depression in the past, I can tell the difference between mood swings and a legitimate struggle to be happy. Will mention it to my OBGYN at next week's appointment.

Aside from that... I haven't got a lot to say. Updates may be less frequent due to how I've been feeling. I was okay today until I decided to update, and now I'm crying.

Baby Download 78% Complete

Squirmy is comparable to a pineapple in size, weighs close to four pounds, and enjoys being sideways, meaning I get to watch the sides of my belly under my ribs move around quite a bit. It also means I get to rub my aching ribs and explain to people who ask what's wrong that it's just kicks.

The weeks left until my due date are in the single digits.

I am continuing to exercise regularly. Baby things are rolling in via friends, family, and Amazon. A great friend from church came and helped me just about finish clearing out the back room (the first half of this work was done only thanks to my fantastic visiting teachers a few weeks ago). This help is invaluable to me; there are some tasks that are just so overwhelming I can't get them done myself!

Having the back room cleaned out will make it much easier for my husband and another friend of ours take my old desk out of there and into the basement. There is another bigger, heavier piece of furniture I really want out of there in addition to that; we'll see if I can convince them to move it! Oh, the things I would do myself if I could...

Hubby has been such a sport and has attended with me classes on newborn care and breastfeeding, as well as the first of two birthing classes. Next week will be the final birthing class and after that it will be just more preparing and counting down to Squirmy's anticipated arrival into the cold world of Iowa in January.

I am cranking out seasonal table cloths on my grandmother's sewing machine, which my mother so generously paid to have shipped out here. I have two more table cloths to do-- then it's onto baby things! I have fabric for two Boppy cases, some fabric for a nursing cover, and a few other things I'm interested in trying my hand at like a nursing top and crib sheets. :)

Tell me this isn't adorable fabric for a Boppy. I might go get more for a nice flannel crib sheet...

Baby Download 75% Complete

This post was delayed due to a busy weekend!

My husband and I were blessed with a nice little intimate family/close friends baby shower this weekend. We are overwhelmed at all the trouble people have gone to for us!

Squirmy is tumbling -- my belly almost did not stop moving during church today. So irreverent, Squirmy!

Belly is growing. I have handed over most laundry-hauling tasks to my husband. If I do laundry it will be smaller loads in smaller baskets. It is notably harder to get up off the floor from doing Pilates, and I am also turning over most bending-over tasks such as picking laundry up off the bathroom floor to Squirmy's to-be-dad.

Back is hurting. Sometimes it's tolerable, sometimes I stagger around like a drunk person trying to walk home from the bar because it feels like somebody jammed a screwdriver into the small of my back.

Anxiety is heightening. I still have so much to do to get this house ready for baby and I am steadily becoming more physically unable to do a lot of what needs to be done. Actually, the vast majority of these tasks I can't do because it involves getting heavy pieces of furniture into the basement, so I have to wait on my husband to have guys over to help him do that (it's been scheduled; I just need to wait now.)

Hormones are raging -- I cried today while doing my hair and makeup because I felt my efforts to look decent were absolutely futile.


Still trying to sort out what baby things we actually need/will use yet. So many people have given us stuff and it has saved us a lot of money. I am continuing to find good second-hand deals, such as a high chair and Baby Bjorn which I will be picking up this week. I'm afraid of paying for things I won't end up using at all, and I'm afraid of not getting things that I'm really going to want and am going to have to spend additional money on after Squirmy is here. I suppose both of these things will happen in some way and it's best not to stress. But I am, a little bit!

Baby Download 73% Complete

Happy Halloween!

Today the baby is around three pounds, can open and shut his/her eyes, and is apparently the size of an acorn squash.

Here's a bump update. I got all dressed up for Halloween. While Squirmy might be the size of an acorn squash, my belly definitely resembles a pumpkin.

Couldn't leave Sadie out. I promise I'll get some pictures of me with the husband at some point. He took the pictures for me.

My OB appointments are closer together now -- three weeks apart instead of four. Kicks and visible belly movement are both more frequent.

Baby Download 70% Complete

Third trimester started today (well, yesterday, given that it's 12:30 in the morning). Can I panic now?

Okay, I'm not losing my mind yet, but I am getting some of the nesting syndrome I've heard about and am dying to get some things out of the house to make room for baby things.

Thanks to a lovely friend of mine I now have a baby bed for Squirmy, who weighs around two pounds by now. Were he/she born today, his/her lungs would be mature enough that, with some definite NICU assistance, this foot muncher would most likely survive. I'll take at least several more weeks of pregnancy, though.

GLORY HALLELUJAH I PASSED MY GLUCOSE TEST. How fearful I was that I would have to manage a diet and poke my finger multiple times every day on top of trying to prepare my house for a baby! I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water when it comes to housework. How am I going to manage a second pregnancy, never mind a third or even a fourth, with a child or children underfoot? We'll just call this first pregnancy Pregnancy: Level 1, and worry about that when the time comes to spare me more stress crying, which I do at the drop of a hat these nights... and I'll have been laughing two minutes prior. :P

Sleep continues to be difficult and Squirmy's Tae Bo routine remains in the one 'o clock hour most nights; however, I have noticed more kicking in general, probably because that baby fat is giving my little offspring additional energy. On a few occasions I have uttered, "oof!" because of the forcefulness of the rolls and kicks, especially after I had to drink that nasty glucose concoction at the doctor on Thursday -- I could see my belly bouncing around. Hyper little baby.

This week felt so long. I suppose as my belly grows and the back pain increases, they will all seem longer... but also shorter, because tick tock...

Baby Download 68% Complete

Third trimester is next week! Today marks twenty-seven weeks of pregnancy for me.

Squirmy has eyelashes, is gaining fat, and is roughly the size of a rutabaga. Have you ever seen or held one of those? I haven't, but apparently that's the size of the baby -- around 14 inches long and around two pounds heavy.

I figured it's time for a bump update. I look really depressed in this picture, but I guess that's my "concentrating on getting a decent bathroom selfie bump picture" face. I really should have my husband do the honors at some point -- I always think to take a bump photo when he's at work. By the way, it's amazing how much better I look in the mirror than I do on the camera screen. It really does add ten pounds!

Baby Download 65% Complete

According to www.thebump.com, my little one is about the size of a head of lettuce today. Squirmy now has eyelashes and soon will be able to open his or her little eyes. Baby's immune system, as well as his or her features and talents, are developing; my offspring is also taking breaths of amniotic fluid.

Other things:

More stretch marks. (Yes, I am drinking lots of water and using vitamin E oil, cocoa butter, and other lotions. Genetics prevail always!)

I have officially dropped subbing. I've realized that, when I go to bed knowing I have to get up early for a sub job, I don't sleep more than a couple of hours. I can't keep choosing between flaking out on sub jobs and running on empty, so I am down to just my afternoon babysitting and tutoring jobs. At first I was really kicking myself for this decision because I wanted to better contribute financially until Squirmy comes, but now I'm ultimately relieved and am able to put more energy into keeping the house in decent shape and preparing it for Squirmy's arrival.

Yesterday I woke up with what seems to be an allergy-induced cold. This tends to happen twice a year, around the arrival of spring and the arrival of fall. So I've been sleeping more, pushing fluids, and let the workouts slide for a few days. Hopefully by Monday I'll be feeling better -- we'll see what my body has to say about that.

Baby Download 63% Complete. Hormones are stupid.

At twenty-five weeks gestation, Squirmy is apparently the size of a cauliflower and starting to gain fat. Kicks are noticeably stronger and more frequent; the same can be said regarding my need to urinate.

As I get closer to my third trimester I am beginning to feel generally afraid. I'm afraid of being diagnosed with gestational diabetes and the complications and annoyances that would case. I'm afraid of being HUGE and still weighing over two hundred pounds six weeks after the baby has come. Depression and anxiety run in my family and I am growing increasingly fearful of developing some serious postpartum depression when I am alone in my distant home in the dead of winter with a helpless infant.

The needless crying seems to have picked up, though admittedly when I cry I tend to think I have a legitimate reason, like when I accidentally spilled my husband's old plastic toy piano out of the basket of toys I had just carried upstairs from the basement and it crashed down every single step and ended up with a key about to snap off. I'm still upset about that, actually.

In other news, my body image is in the toilet and probably will be for the rest of the pregnancy and the first few months after.

This particular post almost didn't happen, and these negative feelings are why. I didn't want to share them and have others be annoyed with my whining or feel sorry for me. So let me emphasize this: I am NOT looking for any sort of reassurance or compliments regarding how I look, reminders that I'm nourishing the baby inside me and that's what is most important, or diet and exercise advice. Because -- sorry to be a downer -- they don't help. I'm super hormonal and decided to just let the hormones take over this post.

Still, maybe some other pregnant lady in the world will do a Google search of "I'm pregnant and I feel fat and ugly," find this, relate, and feel better.

Fat Pregnant Lady (Download 60% Complete)

Today is V-Day, meaning my pregnancy is now officially viable! Baby's body is pretty much developed and now just needs to get fat. This week I am pretty sure Squirmy got the hiccups a couple of times. Fun stuff!

So what I need to do now is make sure baby's not packing it on... and, considering the way I've been eating the past month, I admittedly need to make some changes.

Doctor was concerned with how much weight I've put on since my last visit. If I knew I had been eating really well and exercising regularly, I would probably have let it go -- but I know what I've been eating, I know how much my activity level has decreased, and I know how poorly some of my clothes are fitting... so it's time to make some changes, especially given that I'm genetically predisposed to develop diabetes and would like that to not be an issue for me or Squirmy.

(Take a stab at what my biggest weakness has been.)

1. No more drive-through snacks!

2. No more junk cereal!

3. More whole grains, veggies, fruits, etc!

4. Eat when I'm hungry, not when I'm just bored or stressed!

5. As of today I am officially a member of the YMCA, likely through the end of my pregnancy. Let the lap swimming and water aerobics commence!

Baby Download 58% complete

Today is twenty-three weeks of pregnancy for me, and baby is roughly the size of a grapefruit. Next week my pregnancy will be considered "viable" -- meaning, if for some reason the baby had to come out at that point, his or her chances of survival would be considerably higher than if baby came before that point. Probably because, by twenty-four weeks gestation, baby's body is fully developed and just needs to grow and get fat from that point onward. (So guess when the fastest rate of belly expansion will take place.)

Meanwhile, Squirmy's body is almost completely developed and, from head to toe, is about a foot long. This little offspring of mine is still breech, or at least it seems that way based on the immense beating my bladder takes each day, but definitely alive and, most certainly, kicking and growing. I do think I felt Squirmy flip over earlier this week and felt some kicks several inches higher in my abdomen (above the belly button as opposed to the "bikini line"), only to feel them later on top of my bladder again and there they have remained. Maybe Squirmy will make a more permanent flip to the desired head down position in the next few weeks, but so far my doctor doesn't seem terribly concerned. Next OBGYN appointment is in a week, and for now I just like feeling the rolls, kicks, and punches.

Either Squirmy doesn't like my husband or Squirmy likes my husband a lot, because so far whenever I have him feel for the baby's movement, all movement ceases, usually until about two seconds after husband has been freed from holding his hand to my abdomen for several minutes while I occasionally prod my lower belly and coo, "Baby, say hi to Daddy!"

My brain continues to be seemingly addled by pregnancy. I often can't think of the words I want to say. One funny instance was earlier this week, when I was trying to explain why particular words like "can't" and "don't" have apostrophes to a first grader I am currently tutoring.

"Sometimes," I said, writing the word cannot on a paper, "We use short cuts, and we squish words together." I drew an arrow pointing down from cannot and wrote can't beneath it.

I continued explaining, "Can't and cannot mean the same thing. When we squish it together and say can't, it's called a..."

...And for the life of me I couldn't come up with the word contraction, until the student's mother walked through the room, chortling, and said, "A contraction? That's actually pretty funny you couldn't come up with THAT word." It was a very good joke!

"Badge of Honor"

It was discovered last night while I was getting ready for bed.

It's red.

It's a funny shape.

It's on my belly.

It's a stretch mark.

I mourned briefly but, at the same time, felt proud of my little red stretch mark. We'll see how I feel when I have dozens of them scattered across my belly like confetti on a table at a birthday party. I don't have to like them, but hopefully I won't mind them.

Baby Download 55% Complete

Today is twenty-two weeks of pregnancy. Baby is looking more and more like a newborn because of developed eyebrows and lips, and is also apparently sleeping in cycles of 12-14 hours. Squirmy must move in his or her sleep because I feel movement more frequently than that. Squirmy weighs around a pound by now and is roughly the size of a papaya, a fruit I'm not sure I've actually held in my hands before.

Thoughts from this week:

I think pregnancy has made me somewhat dyslexic.

The lower back pain has really started to kick in and I'm nervous because I know it's only going to get worse. Hauling around baskets of laundry and standing at the sink doing dishes for thirty minutes have become significantly more difficult tasks. And don't talk to me about mopping the floor.

Sleeping is also challenging these days, because in addition to my back pain my hips are particularly sore and hurt when I lie on my side no matter how much I stretch my I-bands (tendons on the outer parts of your hips) before I go to bed. Even though I prefer to sleep next to my husband, I am getting closer and closer to putting a foam topper on my father-in-law's old hospital bed and sleeping in that with the head of the bed inclined so I can finally just sleep on my back.

On Sunday I baked a cake, frosted it, and ate most of it over the course of two and a half days. I threw the rest of it away in a moment of sanity on Tuesday.

Last week I neglected exercise, partially due to the fact that my father-in-law was in the hospital with gallstone issues (he has since been discharged and is doing fine). This week I am trying to return to regular exercise of any kind because it seems to help with my back pain. (And don't forget all the cake I ate.)

I hear "boom" sound effects in my head when Squirmy gives a particularly strong kick, like the sound you hear on Jurassic Park when there's a Tyrannosaurus Rex in the distance and the glass of water gets rings on the surface because of the vibrations. I wonder what kind of sounds I'll hear at Christmas when I can't sleep at night because of the Tae Bo that will be occurring in my uterus.

Baby Download 53% Complete

Today is twenty-one weeks!

Squirmy weighs nearly a pound and has formed eyelids, eyebrows, and lips. I swear the other night I had my hand on my belly and felt a kick or two from the outside. Soon enough hubby will be able to feel baby's kicks, too!

The body changes have really kicked in and I am officially going through what feels like puberty again. My male friends may want to skip the rest of this entry altogether.

My feet seem to have grown.... given that I had to buy a pair of size twelve flats at Payless the other day. (I'm usually a 10 in casual shoes.)

I also struggle more to "cover up" for my teaching jobs. It doesn't matter how high my neckline is, either. I now empathize with the girls who complained during our internships how hard it was to cover up without wearing a scarf!

Belly itches a lot, surely that means stretch marks. I didn't really think the moderately priced "stretch mark prevention" lotion would work, but I've still been using it anyway as it seems to help with the itching.

That's all for now... I need a nap.